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So, I’ve been trying my best to work out more lately. Trying to get into shape, or should I say, a different shape. haha Either way, I have spent more time at the gym than I have in the past. I actually have started to enjoy it. I am not confident that it is changing my shape, but at least I am going.

At the same time, I have been going through some difficult weeks dealing with “stuff”. You know, the stuff that “weighs heavy on the heart”, “our cross to bear”, “issues in life”, …stuff like that. It is always difficult when you go through “trying times” because it almost always involves other people. Sometimes it is people you don’t like, sometimes it is people you love. Either way, it is difficult.

Back to my workout stuff – – -

I worked out again last night. Went to some class called “Hard Bodies”. (I found that humorous since I am in no way a “hard body” and neither were 90% of the other people. That must be why we are all there… but that’s off the topic. . . .) I went to the class, which by the way was one L-O-N-G hour, and then I worked on cardio for another 20 minutes after that. When I left, I thought, “Wow, I actually feel okay after that workout. I don’t think it bothered me too much. My muscles (or what should be muscles) feel not too tired and sore. I can actually move! Ha! Finally!”

Yeah, that didn’t last long. I woke up this morning as sore as can be…. and in places I didn’t think I had even worked on! Agh! Dang, that stinks.

I thought I’d made it through unscathed and no chance of being sore! …I must’ve been dreaming. I’m sore, I’m tired, I don’t ever want to work out again. haha

But as I sit here at my desk this morning, I realized that when I “go through stuff”, when my “heart is heavy” or when I have “trying times”, I can sometimes go through things and think I am unscathed. But I’m not, sometimes it takes a while for me to see the effects of stuff happening around me. When people say things that hurt – it apparently takes a little bit for the weight of it to grab hold. When actions of others seem to be opposite of what you thought they’d be – it takes a while to realize it hurts.

Luckily, that’s where God steps in. I read a quote that says, “Every irritation is an invitation for elevation.” God will give me peace when I stay in His presence. I will have peace beyond all understand and joy beyond all measure when I can realize that my “irritation” is just an open door for “elevation”, an open door to grow a little bit more, to trust a little bit more, to walk in faith a little bit more. It may weigh heavy on my heart, but that’s my own fault if I don’t hand it to God.

I choose to hand it to God. I choose to accept my “irritations” in life so that I can be elevated to new places. I’m okay with being sore. I know that there is an outcome. I know that the “shape” of my life will change. It may not be as fast as I want it, but it will happen when I’m consistent, if I’m faithful.

Faith, Faith, Faith. So easy to say, so hard to follow through on.

Isn’t this picture crazy? There is a “fad” in Indonesia going on where people believe that laying on a train track will heal them. They believe that the electric current of a coming locomotive will heal any ailgments in their bodies. Wow.

I’m under the assumption that as soon as the train hits them, they are no longer worrying about that headache they previously had endured. Seriously. That’s faith – faith in a locomotive, but still it is faith!

I always like to think that I have a strong faith in God. I believe He can heal, save, deliver – you name it and my God can do it! But I don’t like it when I’m tested in what I believe. It really makes me uncomfortable. I wish God would recognize that and just leave me alone, but I guess I am humor to Him. I think that when it says Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father making intercession on behalf that Jesus is so humored by my attempt at faith and life in general, He probably laughs more then He interceeds.

Okay, back to my point: Yesterday I was tested in my faith. It wasn’t that I got sick, my kids got sick (already done that enough!), I didn’t stub my toe, cut my finger, car started like normal… You get the picture. Honestly, I was having a perfectly good evening when God so rudely interrupted me.

I was outside yesterday evening with Sierra. She was riding her bike around and I was watering flowers and just enjoying the really nice weather. (Again, minding my own business when God so rudely interrupted!) My neighors dog came roaming over and following was my neighbor. I don’t know her name. I think Crystal. Pretty sure on that, but not sure enough to call her by her first name to her face. hahaha

Crystal walks by in her PJ’s and messy hair. She says, “Sorry I look so bad. I have been in bed for two days. I have had a migrane and haven’t been able to get out of bed. My doctor even called in stronger prescription for me yesterday. It always lasts three days so I only have one more day of this. At least I’m hoping.” :::Let me remind you, I’m totally minding my own business!::: So, I did the Christian thing and said, “I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad to see you out and around. We will be praying for you.”

That was it. She went back in the house to take a shower. I did the spiritual walk of shame back to my house where I felt convicted for not sharing my faith with her. “We’ll be praying for you”?? Serioulsy? That’s the best I’ve got?!? Ugh. Where was my faith!? I knew I could have stopped and asked to pray with her. Who ever turns down prayer!? I know she probably isn’t saved.

I sat down in my chair in the front yard and watched Sierra play. I repented to God silently for not doing what I knew I needed to do. I even thought of going to her door to ask to pray for her, but I knew she said she was going to take a shower… that would just be awkward.

About 20 minutes later my other neighbor, Bill, came home. He and his wife, Carol, are a retired couple. They use to be Seventh Day Adventist Pastors. He recently had a quadrupal bipass surgery and she had a shunt put in her head to drain fluid. They’ve had a rough year.

He came over to say hello and when he did I simply asked how he was feeling. His response? “Thanks so much for asking. I’m doing great, but Carol isn’t doing well. She has had a headache for the past few days. The doctors are concerned about infection or a blockage in her shunt and are scheduling for a dye X-ray next week. She has had a hard time walking, remembering things and just doesn’t feel good.” (haha Really? A second chance here?!?) I quickly said, “Well, can we pray? I believe God can heal so I don’t want you to leave without us agreeing in prayer!”

After a praying in the middle of the street, Sierra watching us while eating away at cheese puffs, neighbor kids playing football all around us, Bill politely thanked us and walked into his home. I walked away with my own faith a little more strengthened. I didn’t have to have faith to tell him or his wife to lay down in front of a locomotive. I just had to use my own faith to tell him that God still heals today, God is still in control, God has our days numbered.

Who needs a locomotive when our own faith in God can do the job? Don’t pass up a single opportunity to share what you have. You are a reflection of Jesus in whoever you meet. Use it. Share it. Be it. Don’t let your life go to waste.

1 Peter 3:15, “Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy.”

(2009)

Steve, my husband, has been home since Friday because he threw his back out. It was a pretty serious injury – enough so that he was bedridden from Friday to Monday night. He’s finally (slowly) walking around now. At the same time he is bedridden, my one year old daughter, Sierra, had the flu. It was quite an exciting time in the Ryan household. I was a mother, nurse, and even a tired zombie in the early mornings and late evenings.

I have to be honest and admit that I had a few meltdowns. I did good for a few days and Steve never saw me having a meltdown, but after about Sunday I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I was so stinkin’ tired, mad and frustrated. My husband can’t get out of bed, my daughter can’t keep food in her and I am running around trying to fix everyone to no avail. It was not fun.

Steve was having a rough time. He was bored, sore, hurting, drugged, and very unhappy. He had his moments of clarity as well. In those moments, I have to say that I learned a lot. He has so much more faith then I do! Dang that stinks! haha (Not that it’s a competition, but still…)

He told me on Monday that if God is God, then He should heal him. Pretty blunt. He went on to say that there is no reason why God can’t be the God of Acts today. If we believe it is the same God, then we should believe there is a possibility God will do healings. Okay, so I agree. However, God hadn’t healed him! He was still laying in the frigging bed!

I went away from our conversation a little bothered that I had realized my faith was so weak. Where was this God that I talked about serving? Where was my faith and belief? I remember a teaching I did years ago on faith. Looking back, I was so stupid. I’m sure the teaching was all Biblical, but I can guarantee you that I didn’t understand faith then like I do today. In the teaching, I used a quote that was “Fear knocked at the door and faith answered.” How true that statement is. (Wish I could say that I was brilliant enough to come up with it, but I didn’t I stole it from someone and don’t know who.)

So, back to my story: While mulling over the topic of faith, I was playing with Sierra in the livingroom. I realized she was giggling again, playing, yelling, etc., etc. I walked out of the room for a minute and came back to my kid actually walking for the first time… then I looked up and there was Steve in the hallway (on a walker, but out of bed!). Looks like they both started walking at the same time! haha

I realized that my faith was so weak in the God that I serve. However, no matter how weak we are – God is strong. I always say: God is so faithful even when I am faithless. That should be my life motto because I really can be very faithless. God is good.

Whatever you are facing this week or going through, just know that even if you don’t have the faith to believe that God will come to your rescue – He will. Hang in there. He is faithful even when we’re faithless!